How to Write an Amazing DBZ Fanfic
by LadyEval
Summary: I've observed some of the popular trends in the DBZ fanfiction world, and compiled them to make sure we have the same cliches and overdone storylines passed down to the next generation. Read and enjoy.


Potential authors,

Entering the world of fanfiction can be a daunting task. You may be wondering how to get the best start in your online writing career. To aid you in this, I've compiled a list of things you should all know before beginning a DBZ fanfiction.

It all starts with the summary. Using no grammatical skills whatsoever in describing your story will let the readers know that you have the communication abilities of a 10-year old, so they can set their expectations accordingly low.

Ex: OMG so trunks and marron are married but he loves pan?! "TRUNKS HOW COULD YOU!!!!!!!" will they be together and what do their parents think?! read to find out.

Next, make sure your chapter is only 500 words long. This takes less than 30 seconds to read, so those unfortunate enough to click on your link can move on with their day.

Also, make sure that at least a fourth of your chapter is filled with disclaimers and author notes. Despite the fact that this is a fanfiction site, where ever story is labeled by what media it's based off of, there's a strong likelihood that someone will get offended that you mention Goku in your story under the DBZ section. A really effective way for author's notes is to make them a dialogue between yourself and an imaginary friend, or better yet a character from the story made ridiculously out of character.

Ex.

**A/N:** **Kitty: So yea, guys, thanks for reading my story and everything and I'm sorry I couldn't update sooner.**

**Vegeta: Yea, what took you so long, DarkKitten156! (made up name) We've been waiting forever.**

**Kitty: SHUT UP! I had other things to do, okay! Like take my cat to the vet, and I had a paper to write, and go to the mall with my friends.**

**Vegeta: I hate your stupid cat.**

**Kitty: Don't talk about my kitty or I won't give you any cookies!**

**Vegeta: NOOOOOOOO! Not the cookies!**

**Kitty: That's what I thought. Now be quiet while I write my story.**

**Vegeta: Yes ma'm.**

**Kitty: Good boy. *gives cookie***

**Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ or any characters, because if I did then Vegeta would be the best because he's so incredibly smexy, if I owned DBZ he'd be even smexier and Bulma would be stupid and ugly and they wouldn't be together, but Trunks would still be there because I like him,too.**

Okay, so now you've gotten started on your story. From here there are several elements you need to make sure to include.

For all stories:

A drastically altered universe is always a good option, high school being particularly popular. For instance, give the characters the same name and appearance, but otherwise change everything about their past, personality, and in general all the things that made you like/dislike the character in the first place.

If you don't like a character, feel free to make them into the most despicable person possible so that everyone else will feel the same about them as you do.

For instance:

Have ChiChi be incredibly abusive to her family, both verbally and physically (this will make Goku and Gohan the pitifully helpless victims, and justify their leaving her forever for whatever future you choose)

Make Yamucha a compulsive liar and cheater, and generally the worst boyfriend ever (thus Vegeta looks even better)

Make Goten incredibly stupid when compared to Trunks (thus making Trunks the epitome of man-looks, smarts, the man's got it all)

Feel free to follow overdone clichés, since thinking up a moderately original idea for your story would be really hard and time-consuming.

For instance:

If any alien or wayward human enters into the story, they must live at Capsul Corp. This will give them easy access to all the characters without the trouble of a phone call or drive to see them and further the plot. (I admit I'm guilty of this one)

The infamous three years (make sure to make absolutely no change from the thousand other stories out there about this time: Bulma may disrespect Vegeta as much as she likes, they fight about the gravity room multiple times every single day, but they can't help but feel overwhelming lust for each other in the most random circumstances, and soon enough love each other deeply just like they're supposed to)

Know that no alien species other than Saiyans have tails, so this is the perfect way to introduce a new Saiyan into the story.

Make sure no one dies except for the bad people, since this would make your readers sad.

There are even some things you need to remember specifically for romance stories:

Trunks and Pan: the key here is to remember that these two are destined to be together, so feel free to alter as much as you need to to ensure that this outcome occurs. A major one, ignore the 14 year age gap between them, since that would only be awkward explaining how Trunks would be 32 without any dating prospects whatsoever by the time he could legally date his darling Panny. No, there's nothing pedophilic about that relationship, so don't worry.

In any case, if a Trunks fic takes place in his office or high school, make sure there are a group of overly jealous gold-digging cheerleaders (or secretaries who are likely former cheerleaders) whose sole purpose is to travel in packs and glare at the woman threatening their position as nothing to this man. If there is to be a confrontation, choose a designated leader of the group, blonde with a generic name like Cindy, who flips her hair a lot.

Yaoi: Make as many of the men gay as is physically possible. Forget that Goku and Vegeta have had wives and children spanning at least 10 years, and Vegeta's near-constant hatred of his rival. This was only their denial of their burning passion! (Throwing in Chichi's constant abuse of her husband really compliments this plotline) Whereas the close friendship between Goten and Trunks is obviously a result of their smoldering adolescent passion! If you want to keep up with the current trends, remember that men can get pregnant after all, we've just missed out on it all these years. And if it's any way possible to include incest, by all means do so.

If you're moving out of the box and introducing an OC, know that you only have 2 options. Either the girl must be an incredibly powerful warrior capable of crushing all the puny Saiyan men, or she has a bad habit of fainting and/or falling down the stairs at a moment's notice, possibly both at the same time. In any case, make sure that she trips, closes her eyes to wait for the impact, and instead finds herself in the waiting arms of her ever-vigilant love interest, at least once in the story. Otherwise how will you create the sexual tension you need for the cultivation of lemons?

Once the lemon occurs, follow the way of real-life relationships, and make sure that the two characters do absolutely nothing with 2nd or 3rd base before the night they finally culminate their passion, where they are both very knowledgeable of different types of foreplay and sex positions, have incredibly amazing sex with no awkwardness at all, and climax in unison. Also make sure no contraception is mentioned, since it wouldn't be romantic.

When a pregnancy occurs, make sure the woman subconsciously puts a hand to her stomach to foreshadow her finding out she's pregnant, and throughout the story at any time of conflict or stress.

Hopefully these suggestions have helped in your quest to write the perfect DBZ fic. Now remember to give at least 36 reviews, or I won't update!


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